The Jak II Road Trip and Hot Springs Vacation
by RiddlePanda
Summary: The Jak II cast get a vacation from their creators to a new hot springs. But the trip isn't as serious as what they wanted it to be. Rated for content and language.
1. Part one

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THE JAK II ROAD TRIP AND HOT SPRINGS VACATION

PART ONE: GETTING THERE

Bakura: The creators of Jak II wanted to give the actors of the game a little trip to a hot springs. This is their story.

I actually based this on a couple of things. See if you can pick up on them.

I don't own anything, well unless you count Jak, Erol, and Torn's underwear that I "borrowed." ^_____^

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Jak: Man, I can't believe Naughty Dog is FINALLY giving us the credit we deserve. I mean I've been working for these people for the best years of my life and what have they done to me? First, they make me NOT talk, turn my best friend into a furry thing, make me die THOUSANDS of times, hurl me into the future, experiment on me, turn ME into a FREAKING GOAT BOY!, make me die THOUSANDS of times AGAIN!, then make me find out that the same thing will happen OVER AND OVER AGAIN SINCE THAT LITTLE BOY WE BEFRIENDED WAS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Torn: And I thought I had serious mental problems. Jak, you need to calm down.

(Jak glares down Torn.)

Daxter: So where exactly are we going?

Ashelin: Werk, Sixarp, and Rok's Hot Springs and Bar. It is the new, hip place according to the producers.

Torn: Well if it is the new, hip place, then why couldn't they pitch in enough money to rent us a better bus. This one smells really bad! It smells like wet animal fur and sewer water.

Daxter: Well don't look at me! Jak turned me back into a human so you can't pin any animal jokes on me anymore.

???: Baaaaaaa! 

Torn: What the hell was that?!

Ashelin: It sounded like it was in the cargo hold in the bottom of the bus.

(Ashelin and Torn grab their guns and open the hatch very carefully.)

???: BAAAAAAAAAAAA! 

(suddenly a white creature that looks like a cross between a goat and a cat rushes out of the hole.)

Erol: Jak! You followed me! Good boy! (begins hugging the goat-cat.)

Torn: You named it Jak!!??

Erol: Yes. Isn't he the sweetest baby in the whole world? I named him after the sweetest guy here. Our hero, Jak! Take a bow.

Jak: I really don't want to.

Erol: Please?! (grabs Jak and nearly hugs the life out of him.)

Jak: Damn, you sure got weird ever since you crashed into that Dark Eco. Maybe I shouldn't have saved you.

Erol: You don't mean that Jak. You loooove me and you want to kiiiiisssssss me and you want to daaaate me.

Torn: Exactly what is going on with you two?

Jak: (blushing madly) Well, guys, there's something we kind of been meaning to tell you all…

Erol: We're so freaking in love with each other that we've been going out every night for the past two weeks!

Daxter: That's why you never answer your phone!

Torn: That's why you don't like night duty in the Guard!

Keira: Grrrr. That's the one that stole your heart from me!

Jak: Uh, Keira, who are you referring to? Erol or me? Because you did like both of us.

Keira: Just go away.

Sig: You know since you and me are the only ones that don't have anybody, you and I could…

Keira: What do you mean you and I don't have anybody?!

Daxter: Well, I have Tess, Torn and Ashelin are together, and I'm guessing Jak and Erol are together, so you two are the only ones without anyone.

Keira: Get out of my face!!!

Ashelin: Man what is your problem, Keira?!

Keira: I'm just frustrated!

Samos: What's wrong baby girl?

Keira: Just the fact that the only guy that I've ever liked is gay and I ran out of Peachy Cream shower gel yesterday so I had to buy the Sparkling Strawberries gel for the trip and it doesn't go with my shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, body spray, deodorant, and bath sponge!

Tess: And I thought I was the only one here that liked girl stuff.

Jak: Well, I'm just glad that they invited everybody on this trip. It would have sucked if they didn't. So Ashy, why didn't your father come?

Ashelin: Call me Ashy again, and you die! And you WON'T be coming back! And my father said something about a game or something, so that's why he's not here.

Vin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

(everyone turns around to see Vin huddled in a corner.)

Torn: Hey Vin, what's wrong?

Vin: This…this bus…it looks like the one those people were in! The one where you couldn't go lower than a certain speed or it would blow up! HOW FAST ARE WE DRIVING?!

Brutter: Relax power man. We going fifty-six miles per hour. We safe.

Torn: Besides that was a movie. Who would want to blow us up?

Jak: Let's see, Baron Praxis, Erol, Krew, Kor, the Krimzon Guards, Metal Heads, the zoomers when they exploded, Gol, Maia, pools of dark eco, lava and Samos when we didn't clean his hut up.

Samos: Funny Jak. Real funny.

Erol: Yeah. Besides, I don't want to blow you up now.

Daxter: Yeah, but he will later.

Jak & Erol: O.O

Jak: Daxter! Enough! That's sick!

Daxter: Well you heard it folks. Straight from the goat's mouth.

Ashelin: Guys, I'm starving. Let's stop and eat.

(they soon arrive at a Chinese All-You-Can-Eat buffet. Everyone goes to the buffet line. Ashelin is the last to arrive at the table. Her plate is piled with food so high, you can't see her at all. As soon as she sits down, she begins inhaling the food.)

All: O.O

Torn: Uh Ashelin, are you sure you can eat that much? I mean, I thought you only ate health food and stuff like that? (begins reaching out to her.)

Ashelin: MINE!!!!!!!!!! (stabs Torn's hand with her fork and resumes eating.)

Torn: Bl…blood! (faints)

(Everyone looks at Torn strangely, then resumes eating. Once they are done, Sig picks Torn up and takes him to the bus. They then continue on their way.)

Erol: Hey, since Torn is asleep, we can mess with him you know.

Ashelin: Erol…

Erol: Hey! Not like that! I'm just wanting to get him back for that prank he pulled on me when we were all at the Academy.

Ashelin: Erol, that was years ago! 

Erol: Yes, I know. But I'm still in therapy for it. I mean coming home to find clowns covering every inch of my dorm is enough to drive anyone crazy.

Daxter: You're afraid of clowns?

Erol: Yes, I saw a movie where a clown turned into a giant scorpion and locked everyone in the basement, stole all their stuff, then came back to eat them.

Ashelin: Well, it's not protocol, and petty pranks should be beneath Krimzon Guards, but I'll look away for about five minutes. In that time, do whatever you want.

Erol: Can I borrow some makeup?

(Erol begins to paint Torn's face up like a clown.)

Jak: I'm bored.

Erol: You could help me.

Jak: I'm through with revenge. Besides, that's your revenge, not mine.

Daxter: I brought the PS2.

Jak: Wheeeeeeeeeee! Now I can kick some ass!

(turns on Jak II and begins to try to beat Erol in the Accelerator Ring Race.)

Jak: Damnit! Quit getting in front of me! Stupid people! Get out of my way, you stupid idiots! Gaaaaaaaaa! I lost AGAIN!!!!!!!! STUPID EROL!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! (throws the controller down)

Erol: Can I try? I'm done with my revenge. (Erol picks up the controller and beats the challenge the first time.) Yay! I did it! I beat Erol!!!!!!!!!

Jak: Grrrr.

Daxter: Hey, let's play a game.

Keira: What kind of game? Last time you said that was in Sandover Village and the sculptor ended up with a giant statue of a naked mayor.

Daxter: Oh yeah… Anyway, that's not the game I want to play. Let's play What Animal Am I?

Keira: Ottsel.

Daxter: But I…

Keira: Yakcow.

Daxter: Keira…

Keira: Parrkey. (note: this is what Pecker is.)

Daxter: I haven't…

Keira: Croca-dog.

Daxter: I…

Keira: Go-at. (This is what Erol's pet is. It's pronounced Go At.)

Daxter: Enough! Okay, we won't play a game.

Brutter: Besides, former furry brother. We here at hot springs.

(They all get out and get their stuff. They get inside once Torn gets up.)

Torn: Guys? Are we here? Guys? (looks around and looks in the mirror.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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TO BE CONTINUED…

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Bakura: Well, that's part one. Part two is the actual hot springs trip and part three will be the conclusion. Tell me what you think and be patient for part two.

Review or Jak, Erol, and Torn don't get their underwear back.

Jak, Erol, and Torn: PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. part two

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THE JAK II ROAD TRIP AND HOT SPRINGS VACATION

PART TWO: THIS PLACE SUCKS!

Bakura: Well, this is part two. I've also used the actual voice actors names as the real names of the Jak II characters because it just makes it funnier.

I don't own anything, and I have now taken Torn hostage.

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Torn: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Everyone in the building stops.)

Ashelin: Did you hear something?

(Suddenly, Torn busts through the door to where every body is. He spots Erol and slams him against the wall.)

Torn: What the hell did you do to me you gay freak!?

Erol: Now you're the clown.

Torn: O.O You are STILL talking about that prank I did to you at the Academy!?

Erol: Now we're even. And could you get out of my face? Your breath smells like you've been kissing Jak's Croca-dog.

Torn: You are so freaking dead! 

(Erol gets away from Torn and begins running around the room while Torn chases him. After a few minutes, both men begin to get tired and pull their guns at each other, getting ready to shoot.)

Ashelin: Cutter Torn Mitchell, David Erol Herman, you two stop it right now! This is NOT Krimzon Guard protocol!!!!!

Torn: Geez, Susan, you don't have to yell.

Jak: Wait a minute, Torn, you're real name is Cutter? (starts laughing)

Torn: Shut up!

Jak: Torn…Cutter…Torn…Cutter… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Torn: I should have NEVER let you join the Underground!!!!!!!

Keira: Guys, stop! Let's just go and check in.

(They walk to the check-in counter where what looks like a Metal Head is dressed in a business suit.)

Jak: Hello, we're the Jak II party.

M.H.: Ah, good. We expect you. You assigned to rooms one to six. You figure out arrangements. (He hands out keys, then leaves.)

Jak: Well, me and Erol are getting Room One. Race you there.

Erol: This time I WILL beat you.

Jak: After that, can we use the hot tub?

Everyone: EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jak: You guys are so perverted. I was just saying that once we race, we'll need a shower or something since we'll be all sweaty from our race.

Ashelin: Torn and I are getting Room Two. Come along Torn. And bring my stuff.

Torn: Yes Ma'am.

Daxter: Well, Tess and I will take Room Three. Let's go baby.

Tess: Right behind you sugar.

Daxter: Talk more sweet talk to me.

Samos: Keira, you take Room Four. Brutter and I will take Five and Sig and Vin can take Six.

Keira: Sure, single the single woman out!

Samos: Keira…

Keira: I'm going.

****

THE NEXT DAY…

Jak: Man, that hot tub is sooo great! Me and Erol spent like 2 hours in that thing! And you should have seen the view. It is amazing!

Torn: Glad you had fun last night. I was up all night playing What Does Ashelin Sound Like Now When She's Asleep and Snoring Loudly Enough to Wake the Dead!

Brutter: Samos drooled on me!

Samos: I did not! That was the water from my log!

Guys: O.O

Samos: On my head.

Guys: Ohhhhhhhhh.

Daxter: Tess fell asleep on me while watching Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood.

Sig: Vin kept screaming that there was ghosts in our room.

Vin: Well, you kept talking about Poopsie Bear!

Erol: So you guys aren't happy?

Guys: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

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AND NOW…THE GIRLS

Ashelin: Man, Torn kept waking me up trying to push me off the bed and hogging the covers!

Tess: Daxter didn't want to watch my favorite movie!

Keira: My heater went out!!!!

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THE SPA

Jak: This mud feels so good on my muscles.

Erol: Kind of reminds me of the time we raced around Haven City.

Jak: Those were the days.

Torn: This mud really stinks.

Daxter: It smells worse than when I was an Ottsel and was in the sewer.

Vin: I think Samos drowned in the mud!

Sig: Makes me want to mud wrestle with Poopsie Bear.

Vin: AGAIN WITH THE POOPSIE BEAR!?

Brutter: I feel so dirty.

Ashelin: What is the point of rolling around in mud?

Tess: I know. It will take a week to wash all this mud off.

Keira: And of course the guys probably want a cat fight right now. (punches the guys out of the mud room.)

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AT DINNER

Torn: We should get out of here. This place sucks. The rooms are bad, the activities are bad, the FOOD is bad. Let's go.

Ashelin: Why would Naughty Dog send us to this crappy dump!

???: Because they didn't send you here! We did to exact our revenge!

(Suddenly, Krew, Praxis, and Kor burst through the wall.)

Ashelin: Father, this is why you didn't go with us!?

Praxis: Yes, this is when we have our revenge on Jak and all of you!

Kor: By kidnapping the Naughty Dog staff and writing you all fake invitations to our "Hot Springs" we have lured you into your doom!

Krew: How stupid can you all be, ay? You should of at least picked up on our cleverly disguised name. Werk, Sixarp, and Rok is Kor, Praxis, and Krew backward!

Praxis, Kor, and Krew: PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!

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TO BE CONCLUDED…

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Bakura: Well, that's it for now. Part three will be the dynamic conclusion! Be there!

Oh, and for you Torn lovers, review or he will stay my hostage!


	3. Part three

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THE JAK II ROAD TRIP AND HOT SPRINGS VACATION

PART THREE: WHAT THE $%#@!?

Bakura: Well, this is it. The final part. Hope you enjoyed.

I don't own anything and since no one wanted Torn released, I still have him hostage.

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Praxis, Kor, and Krew: Prepare to die!

(everyone gives the three blank stares.)

Praxis: Uh, why aren't you afraid of us?

Jak: Praxis, do you really believe we're going to be afraid of you?

Ashelin: Besides, dad, your attempt at revenge is stupid and futile.

Praxis: How dare you talk back to me!

Kor: Metal Heads, attack!

(the metal heads just stand there.)

Kor: What the hell!? Why aren't you moving?!

Torn: You stupid idiot! They are robots! Do you really think we would have used real Metal Heads in the game!?

Kor: Huh? What game?

Torn: The freaking game we just finished together!

Kor: We didn't do a game. Jak just killed me and Krew and I killed Praxis but we came back to get our revenge.

Jak: It was a fucking game you stupid retard!!!

Praxis: Enough of this talk, we will finish you!

Krew: Go my Krew-clones!

(the Krew-clones appear but just pass through the heroes without hurting them.)

Krew: What is going on here?!

Erol: They are just holograms! They aren't going to hurt us!

Praxis: This is pissing me off! (begins to shoot at them, but can't)

Daxter: Uh, those are just blanks. You know that right.

Kor: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(begins charging at them, but Jak pulls the plug on the suit.)

Jak: You ain't going anywhere, now.

Praxis: Krimzon Guards! Get them now!

(the Krimzon Guards stand there, not moving. Erol walks over to them and touches one. They all fall down, since they were only cardboard cutouts.)

Erol: The only real Guards were Ashelin, Torn, me and about 20 extras. You knew that right?

Krew: You are getting on my nerves, ay! I will charge at you myself!

(as Krew passes, Tess sticks a pin in his flesh which is actually a rubber suit. It pops and a guy tens times skinnier than Krew is left.)

Krew: You…you…I hate you!!!!!!!!!!

(begins charging again, but Torn kicks the crap out of him.)

Jak: I'm getting tired of this.

Erol: Me too. Okay, you guys are under arrest!

Praxis: And what are you going to do? Shoot me? Those are blanks. Daxter said so himself.

(Erol shoots him with a real bullet.)

Praxis: You…shot me?! But I thought…

Erol: Do you really think I act for a living? I'm also a police officer. A real one. And you guys are under arrest for the kidnapping of an entire game company, illegal use of game props, and endangerment to innocent people.

(Erol puts handcuffs on the three and radios in to his squad.)

Erol: Akira, I need backup. We just caught the three that broke into that warehouse the other day.

(The cops get there and take the three bad guys away.)

Jak: Now we need to find the Naughty Dog staff.

Keira: But where would they be?

Sig: I don't know, but since this was the base of operation for those three, they might be here.

(the gang begins to search for the missing staff, finally coming to the basement.)

Erol: Uh, what if a giant scorpion clown is down there devouring them?

All: Erol…

Erol: Sorry.

(they open the door and find the Naughty Dog staff.)

Grady Hunt (Senior Producer): Jak, guys, I'm so glad you are here!

Greg Phillips (Assistant Producer): Yes, we've been down here for five days!

Jak: Well, we've come to rescue you!

Grady: Thank you guys!

Greg: Now we can get back to work on our next project, Jak III: The Legend of the Poopsie Bear.

Vin: AGAIN WITH THE POOPSIE BEAR!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(blows up the entire staff)

Jak: Well, so much for Jak III.

Erol: You know, we could do it ourselves…

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AUGUST 23, 2005 RELEASE OF JAK III: WE DO WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT

Jak: Yes, yes we did all of our own stunts, starred, directed, and produced the whole thing ourselves.

Erol: What was my favorite scene? Where me and Jak ride the double zoomer through the streets of L.A. of course.

Ashelin: I'm finally glad that me and Torn got married. And we didn't just get married in the game, we got married last night at Vegas.

Torn: Working with Ashelin is a living hell. She got me drunk before going to Vegas!

Daxter: Tess and I are going to star in some aerobic exercise videos. We just got the call last night.

Sig: Me and Poopsie Bear were called by ABC. They now want us to do a show called Poopsie Bear and Me.

Vin: NO MORE POOPSIE BEAR!!!!!!!!!! (begins to cry)

Keira: Since my father died in that mud, I took his place as a sage. I now live in the woods with Brutter and he and I have been dating for the past few months.

Jak: Oh, one more thing before we go. Last night Erol and I…

Announcer: We interrupt this interview for a urgent announcement! Three notorious criminals have escaped from jail. They are…

Jak: …and then we went to McDonald's afterward. Isn't that just so cool!

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THE END

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Bakura: Well, that was it. 

I also found an interesting Jak pic the other day. It is the Precursor Alphabet. With it you can read what all the things on the buildings say. I will do another story shortly and the reviewers of that story will get the pic if they want it. Aren't I so nice.

Please review, look for my next story, and help release Torn.

Torn: Review, or Bakura is going to do horrible things to me!

Bakura: Come on, dressing you like a girl is not horrible.

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